Sometimes Moms Just Need to Vent

I know it's not very zen to say I'm losing it, but I am.  It is now 10:00pm.  I started putting my baby to sleep at 7:00.  When he had colic I would rock and hold him and he would cry himself to sleep, now he just won't go to sleep.  I rock and rock wait til he is out and then put him down.  He woke up every 10-15 minutes.  I must of put him to sleep 10 times. I'm exhausted.  Every good intention I had of doing anything around the house just went out the window.  What is making things worse is my son is still healing from surgery, so I can't sleep train him, let him cry, I'm trying my best to soothe him, but his sleep habits are getting worse everyday.  He's old enough now, but my hands are tied.  I feel so helpless.  I want to show him the way to self-soothe, but for now I just have to wait.  I'm tired and frustrated. I don't feel like talking to my husband when he gets home, I haven't been able to get any work done, I don't feel like calling my friends back.  All day long I feel like I just spend my day putting him to sleep.  I love my son, and now he won't be baby for long, but I need this to end.  My back is killing me from carrying him in a sling all day and my body is sore from rocking and bouncing and contorting my body to breastfeed.  I need a break.  All moms do.  Most of the time the key is to stay positive, but sometimes staying sane is giving yourself a chance to vent.  That's what I'm doing-it's ok to say I've had it.   As long as it gives me some relief so I have the energy to start over tomorrow.  Who am I kidding...enough energy to get through the night.

Putting Your Baby to Sleep

Whoever came up with the expression "sleep like a baby" was obviously not a mom.  Who wants to sleep like a baby? Wake up every 2- 3 hours hungry-doesn't sound like fun to me and not fun for all the moms that have to put thier babies to sleep.  I love my baby, he is alert, playful, and smart, but sleeping is not his strong suit. 

 For the last 3 months I have been rocking, jiggling, bouncing to get my baby to take naps and go to sleep for the night.  Since newborns need like 16-18 hours of sleep a day-1/2 of those  hours are naps so that's a lot of putting to sleep.  If you've read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy  Child you know about the "window" that most babies need to be put back to sleep after 2 hours of wakefulness and for many babies, like mine the window is even shorter-more like an hour.  Wake, feed, play, yawn, back to sleep.  I guess you could say I've become a "sleep enforcer". After about 3 weeks-my sweet baby became very fussy and wouldn't fall asleep, not in the swing, the car, the stroller, and when I rocked him to sleep and put him in his crib he would wake up.  Over and over I tried...I'm sorry but putting your baby down drowsy, but awake didn't work for me.

   I realized the only way to keep him rested and happy was to protect his sleep.  At first I spent my days holding him on the couch, but I was going stir crazy, so I started wearing him in sling and he loved it. I didn't mind it at first that's part of being a new mom-holding and soothing your newborn, but now my back is killing me. Every mom has different techniques for getting thier baby to go to sleep and most importantly stay asleep.

Here are a few:

• The sling-they love the motion and being curled up in a ball.  (I tried a few, some were uncomfortable or hard to use or I felt like my baby would fall out. I love the Sling-ezee because it has a shoulder pad, its very comfortable and has a rail to keep baby secure.)
  
• My friend swears by an exercise ball.  Hold your baby sit on it and bounce.  Less working than jiggling around the house and strengthens your abs.
• The Amby Baby Bed-it's like a hammock. ( I just started using it today and he fell asleep after about 20 minutes of rocking, which is probably the same time I would have had to walk around the neighborhood with him in a sling to get him to fall asleep.  I only use it for naps because he will sleep in his crib and pack and play at night.  I plan to start sleep training my son soon so this will just hopefully give me a chance to put him down for naps. I'll write a full review later and let you know if it really works.

Cleft Lip Recovery

It's been 3 days since Aaron's surgery and so far so good.  In fact, he's slept more than he ever has since he was born.  He taken 2- 3 hour naps, slept for 5 hour stretches overnight and hasn't cried much.   I'm sure the drugs are making him drowsy.  He was on Tylenol with codine, but we switched him to regular Tylenol yesterday afternoon.  The doctors say it's important to stay ahead of the pain curve, but I think he's doing well.  We don't want to overmedicate him.  Today has been tougher he's back to his old self where he struggles to fall asleep and cries.  Since we are trying to reduce his crying-I'm doing everything I can to soothe him, which means using my breast as a pacifier-which isn't a good habit to form, but he needs a pacifier to fall asleep and he not allowed to use a pacifier or touch his mouth with his fingers.  Even this has been a problem, since he doesn't always want milk I have to pump out one breast.   We are almost there, but I feel like I have a newborn again, all my energy is devoted to him.  I look forward to the day when he is healed and I can just enjoy being with my little baby.  (While he had some of  his stitches removed after 7 days, the actually healing process took about a month and it was probably the hardest part because I had to keep this active baby arms restrained and keep him from touching his mouth. It was definitely a very trying period.)

Cleft Lip Surgery

It's amazing to think that my baby's cleft lip has been the least of my worries compared to (breastfeeding, lack of sleep, colic) these past 3 months as a new mom.  Since he didn't have a cleft palate or any other health problems and breastfeeding was normal from the start, his little cleft was just part of him.  Of course I wasn't always so zen about it. My husband and I found out he had a cleft when I was in my 3rd trimester during a 3D ultrasound-it was quite a shock since my doctor never noticed it in the earlier ultrasounds.  We didn't know much about it, turns out one in 700 children are born with cleft lip and/or palate and doctors don't really know what causes it.

We were devastated. It's hard to admit, but all parents want their babies to be "perfect" right?, but I soon realized I needed to get over the "ego" thing and focus on loving my child no matter what.  We found help at Rady Children's Hospital in San Diego where surgeries are usually performed at 3 months or 10 1bs.  

Well 3 months is now here and while we have been waiting for this day and the surgery is relatively minor compared to all the miracles they perform, it is still very difficult to know your newborn will be going under general anesthesia and you will have leave your baby in the hands of someone else.  

The morning started with me timing his feeding.  He couldn't have anything 4 hours prior to surgery and check in was two hours prior.  So we tried to keep him asleep for as long as possible before the surgery.   He started to get hungry and cry, but we were able to get him back asleep so he was peaceful as we handed him to the nurse.  Then the door to the operating room closed and all we could do is wait. As I sat in the waiting room with other concerned parents I couldn't help, but get emotional.  We were all going through the same thing, but for different reasons.  

Good news is the surgery only took 1 hour, but then we had to wait for him to wake up. Only one parent at a time was allowed into the recovery room.  My little Aaron looked like an angel even as he was hooked up to an IV all sorts of wires and swaddled and propped up on a hospital bed.  I didn't know quite what do. I just stared at him and told him I loved him.  His swollen lip was covered with tape and you could see the stitches.  Then he opened his eyes.  Alert as ever he started kicking and staring at everything around him-back to his personality-even drugs can't keep my alert baby down. We stayed overnight at the hospital-which was hard.  We were in small noisy shared room.  You could hear the monitors beeping, patients next to us, and the sound of the emergency helicopters. Every few hours nurses would come to check his vitals, my baby was on morphine, but still didn't sleep well, either did we.  We sat in chairs and took turns holding him, fortunately he was able to nurse, but because he couldn't use a pacifier, he needed my breast to fall asleep.

He did very well and now we are at home-7 days of recovery before he can get his stitches out. 

Baby's First Trip

The first year of your baby's life is filled with firsts, but when is the best time to go on your first trip?  Doctors say newborns can fly anytime after two weeks, but many moms prefer to wait, unless they are going to see family. It's a lot of work, but if you're prepared it can go more smoothly.  We just returned from Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  It was part of my husband's work incentive trip.  We had a great time, but it was stressful at times traveling with a newborn. It takes a little more planning than when we were single. Here's a what I learned from Aarons' first plane trip-Baby Travel Tips.

1. Make sure to pack extras for emergencies, but not more than you can carry along with carrying your baby. 
2. If you bring a stroller and or car seat check it once you get to the gate. (I took a Graco SnugRide Car Seat and a Snap n go Stroller.  They will tag it at the gate put it on last and you will have it when you get off the plane.  Also if you end up with an empty seat next to you, you can use the carseat. Or bring a large trashbag to put your carseat in so it doesn't get dented.  Not all airports have large bags. We ended up using more as cart for our carry-on items since I was carrying Aaron in a sling most of the time.)
3. If your baby likes sleeping in a sling like mine put your baby to sleep before you get on the plane and he will sleep most of the flight.  (TSA may make you take your baby out of the sling to get through security although no one made me, because of course who wants to be responsible for waking a sleeping baby.  As for take-off and landing-I didn't have a problem keeping my baby in the sling on my 3 of my Delta flights, but on my last flight from Salt Lake to San Diego the flight attendant insisted I take my baby out for take-off, which of course woke him up and made him fussy so I ended up with a screaming baby on my lap.  Really made me mad, but I guess it was following the rules according to her.)
4. Make sure your baby is sucking on take-off and landing to help with the pressure.              (I used a pacifier, but you can also breastfeed or give your baby a bottle.)
5. You can bring Breastmilk or Formula. Check FAA Guidelines.
6. Pack your diaper bag with familiar toys, extra outfits in case of accidents, hand sanitizer, extra burp cloths, plastic bags to store dirty diapers or trash.
7. Look for special needs bathrooms at the airport                                                                           (At our lay-over in Salt Lake City it had a diaper changing station, individual bathroom, a chair and room for a stroller.  Perfect place to breastfeed, pump and diaper change.) 
8.  Since it was a short trip, 4 days I tried to keep my baby on the same time schedule.
9. Also as veteran moms have told me, you always think your baby screams louder than they do, other parents will understand, and you will probably never see any of the other passengers again.

Getting My Zen Back!

So today was one of those days where something different happened, but I'm not sure what it means yet.  My bb is now 10 weeks.  Today he grabbed a toy for the first time and has found his hands to suck.  Two milestones, but this evening instead of crying himself to sleep after his colic episode or conking out after last feeding around 8:30.  He was calm and alert after feeding.  Now what do I do?  I was so used to soothing him for hours then just putting him down at night.  Tonight I actually sat with him and read him Goodnight Moon.  Imagine that, but he was still awake.  Then I started the putting to sleep process.  Rocking, swaddling.  At first I left his arms out, but as he started to fall asleep he started flinching...so maybe he's not ready for that yet. so back they go.  He also had a 3 hour nap right before going to sleep so I'm not sure how that will affect his sleep patterns tonight.  His first sleep is usually the longest so I better get to bed.  Today was also the day I got my Zen back.  For the last few weeks I have been second guessing everything that I have been doing.  I'm exhausted from carrying my baby in a sling all day and rocking him and waking up  every hour after 2 am. The books have been driving me crazy.  If I use a pacifier will I be putting it back in all night long.  He will only nap in a sling-so does that mean I will be carrying him everyday for months?  All the things that soothe him, I was focusing on the effects down the road instead of just mothering.  I don't know I may have to fix a few habits later, but for now they are the only things that calm my high need baby. Hanging out with two fellow new moms for lunch watching thier babies cry and watching them soothe their babies with what know best made me realize you have to do what works for you. By 10 weeks you know your baby and what he needs and what his cries mean most of the time so time to follow my gut rather than a book.

Does a Colic Episode Make Your Baby Sleep Better?

Last night my baby had his evening colic episode for 45 minutes and then fed and went right to sleep.  Tonight he fussed for several hours, but only had the intense crying for about 5 minutes, but it took me and extra hour to put him to sleep in the end I was still rocking and soothing for hours.  It is now 9:09 and all is quiet..like nothing ever happened, unfortunately it the only down time in my day-do I use it to catch up on things or go to sleep since this is probably his longest stretch of sleep for the night about 4 hours and then after that he will be up every 2 hours then 1 hour until about 7:00 which he usually smiles and wants to play, but then gets fussy because he didn't get enough sleep and the rocking begins.  I've been getting really frustrated and second guessing everything I do.  Yes, I'm keeping him from crying and soothing him, but what habits am I forming.  I 'm  driving myself crazy with the books, and the advice on the internet.  What is right?  There is no right way, but what can I sustain.  I said I would wait out at least 3 months...you can't spoil a newborn right.   So to stay Zen...I have to go back to my original plan.  Take care of my baby and give him what ever he needs until the colic is done and then see if he is mature enough to handle things on his own.  I have to trust that I know what he needs and doing what is best for both of us.

The Vaccine Debate

As a mom of a 2 month old, I'm just trying to get the hang of breastfeeding, diapering, burping and getting him to sleep which is an all day thing considering my baby won't nap in the day without being held.  But today something else is on my mind.  Vaccines.  

Yes the debate has been going on and I probably should have started my research earlier, but with all the controversy I thought the main concern for parents is the MMR which isn't given until they are 1 year old, I thought I had time to research and decide for myself...but it's not just this vaccine that has many concerned.  It's the way they are given-so many shots all at once starting at 2 months.  

CDC Schedule

According to my pediatrician's schedule he will get a combo(Polio, DTap, HepB), HIB, PCV, and Rotovirus.  That's 5 vaccines in 3 shots with an oral live vaccine.  I'm traditional in the senxe I definitely want my son to get vaccinated, but if there is a way to eliminate some the the risk and still get the necessary shots, why wouldn't you? Most stand by the recommended vaccine schedule.

Dr. Sears and The Vaccine Book

He has suggested an alternative schedule that may help reduce the chance of side effects and relieve parents concerns.

Does it help?  No one knows for sure, but I can't help but feel like a bad mom if I don't try to eliminate some of the adverse effects.  I plan to split up the shots.  DTP and Rotovirus at month 2 and HIB and PCV and Hep B at Month 3.  The thought process behind this is to not give so many shots at once, reducing the amount of aluminum (DTP, HepB, and PCV all have aluminum and depending on which brand of HIB-it does as well.  I also only giving 1 live virus at a time so his system can handle it.

Why do pediatricians stand by the recommended schedule?

My pediatrician will honor the alternative schedule, but says the reason they stick with the recommended schedule is there is no evidence that splitting them up is actually safer and that there were more chemicals in the one DTaP shot I had as a child than all the vaccines given together now.  Also it's a matter of public health that all children are vaccinated.

What is a Zen Mom?

What is Zen?  Enlightenment, mindful acceptance of the present moment. As a mom, its hard to be Zen.  Just when you think you have it down, each day brings a new challenge or new experience.  Sometimes I feel all alone, other times empowered.   Each stage brings new joys, but also questions and concerns.  I have a 10 week old and feel like I have been through a crash course on motherhood and I know it's just the beginning. Motherhood isn't easy, but I want to share this journey with you and hope you will learn from my experiences and my endless quest for information.  With so much on the internet these days it's easy to over think things and second guess yourself.  I know I have, but it's also nice to feel informed and supported.  I was planning to start this blog sooner, but as you know the first few months with a newborn can be tough.  In fact to make this work I am carrying my baby in sling right now, since it's the only place he'll sleep for his naps....for now!  So the journey continues.  The ZenMom.com is here for you to help you be enlightened, inspired and find a little laughter and peace.